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The saga with the GMC continues…

For those of you just joining me, the General Medical Council is the agency in the UK charged with regulating doctors and granting licenses to practice medicine in the UK.

I have recently applied for such a license and have been attempting to meet a never ending list of demands from them.

First I had to prove I spoke English by taking an exam that basically said I didn’t because I did not pay the 99 pounds sterling for information on how the test is actually scored prior to taking such assessment of my English language. I was asked to submit further evidence of my language ability. One of the many documents I produced was my PhD dissertation (written entirely in English). I was informed this was not acceptable as the document “did not specify that you wrote it.”

Apparently whatever mouth-breathing monosynaptic fucktard in the UK is “evaluating” my credentials doesn’t understand the whole PhD dissertation thing and who is responsible for doing it.

In order to seek help I searched the internet and found a study about the GMC and its exploits published by 3 prominent UK medical officials. In the document they detailed doctors are actually killing themselves because of the stress the GMC induces. It further goes on to state that the people responsible for investigating or credentialing doctors are not doctors at all.

I didn’t actually believe this, so I called the GMC and asked. I was told that it was in fact correct, and that the GMC had no doctors in their offices at all. So I followed up that question with “what credentials or education do they have?” To which I was told it varies by position, but there are definitely no medical doctors.

But today I received a correspondence and subsequent demand that absolutely defies logic…

They wanted to know how I was able to produce paperwork signed by my employers prior to their requesting this specific paperwork.

Now I must point out, the British do not really understand how to create webpages. No matter what British webpage I have been to, they all have thousands of words that basically say nothing and have links that circle you back to the pages of nothing they have already said. (It scares me to think people actually get paid for this…)

But I actually read the 12 pages of instructions that detailed all the documents the GMC requires for an application. Anticipating I would need the documents on the list of “required documents,” and having to get them from all over the world, I requested them from my various employers BEFORE I submitted my official applications. I even downloaded the official GMC forms off of the official GMC website. Can you imagine?

Apparently it is uncommon for people dealing with the GMC to have their shit together before they try to do something. Given the people who have to deal with the GMC are doctors, it really makes me wonder…

It is so strange, I now have to have my employers (and I am extremely thankful I only had to go back 5 years of my 25 going on 26 year working life) submit paperwork EXPLAINING WHY they signed these documents before they were requested.

I can see why doctors are killing themselves over their ordeals with this bureaucracy. As everyone who knows me can tell you, I have an extremely small tolerance for bullshit and stupidity. The older I get, the lower my tolerance gets. You can only imagine my delight knowing my fitness to practice medicine is not only not decided by UK doctors, but is decided by people who do not understand doctoral dissertations are solely written by the candidate whose name appears on the cover page! I am just going to guess none of them have a PhD in anything…

I am also going to guess that because they are utterly incompetent and unintelligent it may come as a shock to them that us educated folks do not possess the intelligence of a trilobite. In fact, I might actually try to publish a case report that I have discovered that trilobites are not extinct and there is a colony of them in Manchester, UK.

But what amazes me even more than being judged by a bunch of cretins, is their work ethic and practices.

They have decided that it is reasonable and in fact their policy to take 5 days, excluding bank holidays and weekends, to reply to an email. 10 days to respond to a customer service complaint. But wait…There’s more… After taking 5 or 10 days, if they decide they have to escalate the concern to a supervisor, that supervisor then has an additional 5-10 days to respond. So if they send you an email, you reply to that email, they have 5 days to read it. In practicality it works like this: Monday they send an email asking me to clarify something like “How is it possible for you to work more than 1 job at a time?” Within minutes, I reply to this email with a detailed explanation using a level of English language befitting of somebody with an advanced education. On Monday of the next week, they then reply to me, asking me to explain in simpler terms. Upon receiving my reply, they then have 5 days to reply to me.
I am now going on 3 months and counting, for a process that took the Polish Medical Authorities 3 working days. My Polish colleagues are actually very proud of themselves, knowing that in a recently former communist country, world renowned for its bureaucracy, inefficiency, and absurdity, the British make them look like the most efficient and capable people in the world.

I better not catch anyone from the UK making Polish jokes again! I can see why they don’t like Polish people. “These fuckers come to our country, work multiple jobs, and can do in seconds what takes us a week! Everyone is hiring them instead of us! They are taking our jobs! We must get out of the EU lest all these foreigners take over everything here!” The world can only hope they will…

But imagine this from my perspective having made a life in various emergency services?

Dispatcher: “911 what is your emergency?”

Caller: “Oh my god help me, my house is on fire and my children are trapped inside!”

Dispatcher: “Thank you for your inquiry, according to our procedures, we will respond to you within 5 days, excluding bank holidays and weekends.”

5 days later, Dispatcher sends an email: “Hello, this is the fire department dispatcher, can you submit documentation from every previous occupant of the house for 5 years that you in fact live there? Also, could you please submit documentation that the children are in fact your own? Finally, can you clarify how it was possible you called 911 from your phone when your house was on fire?”

Let’s look at another example? Dispatcher: “911 what is your emergency?”

Caller: “Help! My husband is having chest pain and difficulty breathing!”

Dispatcher: “Thank you, please consult our webpage for the required documentation proving you are married to the man you claim is your husband who is currently having chest pain and difficulty breathing. We will respond to this documentation within 5 working days…”

How about in the hospital?

Secretary in the emergency department: “Thank you for coming to A&E, unfortunately, we ask you not to come to our offices in person until you are invited, please send us copies of all the appropriate paperwork we require and we will then extend to you an invitation to appear in person.”

Secretary of the Intensive Care Unit: “Thank you for submitting your documents and appearing after 3 months with your critically ill family member. As you may be aware, we have many requests for service, and we will enter you into our queue and per our policy, see your family member within 5 working days.”

Secretary of the ICU 1 week later: “regrettably, your family member is extremely ill and will require the services of one of our senior doctors. As per our policy, said senior doctor will respond to you within 10 more working days.”

Do you have a complaint? Customer service: “Thank you for your complaint about our services taking 3 months to respond to your house fire where your children were trapped, the paperwork regarding emergency medical service for your alleged husband, admission to and referral for intensive medical care for your critically ill relative, and the delays in these processes. After taking 10 days to respond to your complaint, we feel we must refer you to a supervisor, as per our policy, you will receive a written response within 10 more days, unless our supervisor has to refer your complaint to his supervisor.”

You can see my concern? At least I know why you cannot show up at the offices uninvited… In order to keep up appearances, they probably have to hide all their helmets and clean all of the tongue marks off of the windows. It is hard work for clerks to protect the public from doctors…

But I like to fancy myself as a benevolent person, so… Any GMC employee that needs a doctor to testify for your disability pension, please get in contact with me as soon as you are able.

As per my policy, I usually respond to email within hours and certainly not more than 24. Furthermore, I will sincerely and emphatically support your total disability claim on the grounds you are mentally unfit and a danger to yourself and others.

If remediation or retraining is attempted, I humbly suggest something a long these lines…

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